Monday, May 4, 2009
(maple tree at the park, Sunday evening)
As the trees bloom and "leaf out," I feel spring, here and now -- no more waiting!
I spent a lot of my weekend working on my yellow circles canvas, learning how to be more in the moment as I worked. I went through some feelings of hopelessness -- as I painted on the oranges, I felt I was ruining it. Fear raised its ugly head. But then I put my despair down, and got out a pen, and drew little brown circles all over the background. It needed a center, and I wanted to stitch, so I found a big canvas needle and reddish brown embroidery floss. After I traced circular objects with a pen, I discovered it wasn't so tough to stitch through the paint and gel. (A metaphor, perhaps?: Breaking through the surface of things isn't as tough as you think it's going to be.)
It isn't quite done yet, and it isn't terrific. But what gets me excited is the fact that I am doing, and not giving up. Process teaches me more than my usual over-thinking. And, I can take another step in putting aside my perfectionism, by accepting this creation, warts and all.