Saturday, July 2, 2011

Testing the waters

Today I kept seeing an image in my mind: eyebrows cut from magazine photos. Sometimes it goes like that. Random stuff floats to the top of my consciousness, and it comes back again and again.

Instead of opening my journal and working with the image, I kept avoiding it. Chores to do, people to talk to, Facebook postings to read - mostly inconsequential stuff. I kept seeing the eyebrows, but also noticed that I was very reluctant to get down to business. Maybe I've been avoiding my own artwork so much that I don't know how to get back to it. Maybe I'm avoiding the messiness of life; maybe I'm scared to find out what I really think about everything.

It takes courage to look at your thoughts and feelings and admit where you are in the midst of them. Avoidance comes in many flavors: alcohol, drugs, overeating, sex, work, shopping, TV, Facebook, etc. I think there are very few people who can sit with their uncomfortable selves and see all the imperfections and love themselves anyway. But if we don't learn to give our selves a break and relax, how can we spread love or compassion to anyone else?

Tonight I wrestled myself to the dining room table and cut out some eyebrows, then the rest of a face. I wrote on the page, testing the icy waters of my dissatisfactions. I only dipped my toes in - and that felt like a good start.

"Testing the waters" journal page


nonizamboni said...

Once the toe is in you are on your way! Be brave, my talented friend.
I'd like a dollar for every time I've said to myself, I'm scared. No doubt just 'being' in our selves takes courage but wow, what a payoff.
Happy week to you!

Judy Merrill-Smith said...

Thanks for the encouragement!